Aug 20, 2012

In the current state of things at home, I am hopeful and optimistic that if we can keep the grown up complicated things out of the kids' way then they perhaps can grow up to live healthy emotional lives. This is so vitally important right now, as we realize the hugeness of the change we are about to embark upon in our relationship. Becoming co-parents of two small children is no small feat. This being said, we can't hide behind the "wall" of everything is just fine, normal, "status quo" anymore.

Everything is not fine.

The only thing that is fine and uncomplicated? The deep love we feel for our children, and the deep love they feel for us. I do not put upon these children the emotional turmoil that I live with daily...no, I tuck that away for when they are asleep, or otherwise occupied. To put this upon them is a melancholy burden, they are merely children whom we are trying to mold into joyful, free thinking happy, loving, compassionate (hang-up free) adults some day!

It's incredibly hard to grow up, being burdened with guilt (as I was - though I don't think my folks realized it). Living in fear of doing something that was not pleasing to one's parents, or, be met with negativity or anger for doing or not doing something (name any small task, like say, forgetting to pick up dog the shit).

Growing up with guilt. This was me. 

And the result of a negatively charged childhood?