Mar 18, 2013

Wasteland

(warning - this is incredibly free form)

I'm spinning.

I'm lost.

I might not be as strong as I appear.

Just when all seems well, things are moving forward, it all gets SLAMMED back into my face.
When I think that the lies and the betrayal have ceased, the floor caves in again and there I go getting sucked in and thrashed about.

What the hell happened to you? When did you lose your integrity, my so called best friend of the last how many years? This is more than a betrayal. The level of lying has reached a height that I have never witnessed in my lifetime. Holy fucking shit! What do I do with this gigantic pile of shit that once was a friendship/relationship/marriage?

I cannot even consider you my friend in the wake of the events of the last year (but the buddhist in me wants to just say, it is what it is, and move on). Then there I am, only human, hanging onto the hurt.

You can't answer purely can you? WHY?

Go ahead, you know you want to be with her. SO JUST FUCKING GO.



So thankful for these babies that I can hold close, smell and lose myself in.

2 comments:

Sammy said...

I am so sorry, although I know that can't possibly help. Just hang on, get through each day one moment at a time, and know that one year from now things will be brighter and different. The hurt will vanish as long as you embrace it and feel it now. It's there, it deserves to be acknowledged and experienced because it's legitimate. Remember this: Whatever you resist, persists. But if you feel it and experience it now, you will make room for happiness to return.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I've followed your blog forever. Here's the real deal, Erin: you're not the first, and you won't be the last.
But you're you, and that means everything. You've survived more than an affair, and you'll trudge through this mess, too. However you can, and with a bunch of help from your friends. Hang on, as best you can. Peace to your heart, girl.